10 chose
Remember old joke, when the orange sorter complained that he had a very stressful job because constantly having to make decisions? Jokes are jokes, but many people really have a hard time even the most simple solutions: what to wear tonight or what to cook for dinner. But for real important issues put them under real stress. And to avoid it such people sometimes prefer not to choose anything at all and go with the flow, leaving the choice to fate. And it's not always the best... Let's figure out how to make decisions without stress.
When you have to choose from multiple options, each solution has its pros and cons. The horror of choice disappears as soon as you realize them. Make a list with the pros and cons of each option, compare them and calmly choose the best one.
But it often happens that a person has weighed all the pros and cons, found best option, but he is in no hurry to choose it. Moreover, the prospect of a seemingly obvious choice plunges him into even more stress.
This may be due to the fact that desires that a person considers his own, in fact, not his, but imposed -family, community, friends. For example, logic inexorably dictates that you need to accept the offer of new job with new responsibilities and a better salary, and at the same time, the heart dreams of staying on the old one, which makes it possible to spend more time with the family.
Or, let's say, a young man proposes to a girl - they have been together for a long time, her friends like him, and her parents have long been saying that it is time for her to get married. Of course you have to agree? And if the girl actually fell out of love with this person, only she cannot admit it to herself - partly due to the pressure of external factors.
In general, in situations where the choice seems obvious, and you absolutely do not want to make it, think about what you really want. There is nothing wrong with the fact that your desires differ from the opinions of others. In the end, you live with them, not advisers.
Another factor preventing right choice is fear. I want to quit my job, but I'm afraid to lose stability. I want to part with a man, but I'm afraid to be alone. These fears can keep us from doing what we want for the rest of our lives.
Usually people are afraid of the unknown. And once you look the problem in the eye, it no longer looks so scary. Therefore, to get rid of fear, well imagine the saddest possible consequences your decision. After that, think about how you will act if they really come. After mature reflection, you will most likely realize that you will cope with all the difficulties, and there is nothing truly terrible in your choice. 
To be honest, my assistant in making difficult decisions often becomes "automated-decision-maker" or an ordinary coin. All you have to do is choose heads-tails, toss and ...
Well, no, do you really think that I really trust some coin to make the choice for me? Just this is a good test for your own desires. If you do not like the answer of the coin, you will flip it anyway. Although then you don’t need to throw anything anymore - and it’s clear what you want.
Do you find it difficult to make decisions? How do you approach them? Tell us about the most difficult decisions in your life.
Do you know what indecision is? Probably yes, because from time to time everyone suffers from this feeling. If you're not careful, insecurity can become a debilitating problem. Indecision is most often manifested due to feelings of self-doubt and anxiety due to small troubles. , you can get rid of uncertainty and it is very important to remember that it is more important how we do it, and not what we do.We often think that making the right decision is vital. Our thoughts always tend to two options, one of them is correct and the other is not. But more often than not, it's a lack of self-confidence. The most important thing is the choice between two options. For example, you need to plan an evening and you have the right to choose. If you have a positive attitude, then whatever you do will always be fun. If you worry before making a decision, then whatever you have planned, it will not bring you pleasure.
You need to work on your confidence. Uncertainty often develops due to a lack of confidence in oneself, one's strengths and capabilities. For example, you have a desire to play in a sports team, but there is also doubt about your playing abilities. There is an internal dispute about. In this situation, there is no need to worry about potential limitations, you should follow your desire, since in this case the loss will be less significant than your mind tells you. In case of ignoring vain worries, the selection process right decision it will be easier and without unnecessary worries.
If indecision prevents you, then when choosing the right decision, remember:
1. Don't worry about not living up to other people's expectations. Doubts are also associated with this item due to the condemnation of other people of your actions. Everyone had a situation when he was faced with a choice, intuition told us the right option, but he was overcome by doubts about what others would say. You can listen to advice, but if there is a sense of the right decision, you need to do it your own way. Do not listen too much to the opinion of society, this is your life.
2. Consult with a friend. It happens that the feeling of uncertainty constantly increases and the possibility of independent choice disappears. In this situation, talk to a friend. You should not ask him for advice or ask him to make a choice for you. Better describe the problem in detail. After that, considering it with different parties, the decision-making process will become much easier.
3. Conviction in motives. If you find it difficult to choose a solution, check the motives. It happens that when making a decision, something keeps us inside, causing indecision. In this situation, having made a choice in favor of our selfish desires, in the future, most likely, we will regret our decision.
4. Prioritization. Very often we do not have enough time for some things. You won't be able to cover everything, you shouldn't even try. It is necessary to clearly prioritize, which must be remembered when making a decision. For example, you were offered to work overtime. In this case, if your main priority is the family, you must refuse, even if this will bring you additional profit.
5. Risk is a noble cause. Often, indecision arises from constant internal worry about potential problems. It is necessary to think about the possibilities, and not be afraid of the problems. You need to think about what positive aspects will follow after making a decision, and make your choice. And in the future, when new opportunities appear, you should not miss your chance.
Most often, indecision is a misunderstanding of one's true desires, an inability to form a goal for oneself. Want or not? Do I need it? These are the questions that arise in the mind of a person who does not know whether he is doing the right thing in this situation. Almost every one of us had to go through doubts in different situations. Here is the advice that the great Socrates gave to an indecisive person: “Whether you marry or not, you will repent anyway.” So how to be? Apply this recommendation for everything in life and do whatever you want, you still have to regret it?
Obviously, Socrates gave such a parting word, only so that the questioner would calm down, put aside all his hesitations and realize what he should do next. But in modern world not so easy to make even, at first glance, a simple decision. Circumstances and norms of behavior in society put pressure on all of us as atmospheric column. Sometimes well-being, prosperity and health can depend on the correctness of the chosen path. This is terribly unnerving and makes you doubt your own sanity. This is how indecision arises. How to get rid of doubts and fears, making the only right decision and not fall into despair?
"Yes or no"? It is necessary to weigh everything, calculate the risk, consider the consequences and priorities. The easiest way is not to torture yourself, but to ask for advice from authoritative people. After all, in different industries there are professionals who are able to help make the right choice. For one thing, there will be someone to blame for the failure. But, there are situations where no one can help, only great fateful decisions in life depend on you, as well as everyday, but no less serious ones. For example, we don't change jobs every day or commit ourselves permanently to a particular person. Choosing a partner for life once. Maximum five. But the decisions to lead a correct lifestyle, go in for sports, work on yourself, etc., seem small and enduring until Monday. But overcoming indecision in these “little things” is no less important for a successful and prosperous life.
How to decide to take the first step on the path that will make us happy? How to get out of your comfort zone, choose an action and move forward without delay? There is a simple solution: a safety net or the possibility of correcting an error! Don't leave burned bridges behind you. If one fails, there is option "B". Think over a retreat plan and go to success without fear. This is what will allow indecision to disappear and give way to confidence in the implementation of the plan.
There is another problem. Many of us are stuck in one place, not knowing what we really want. How to understand what exactly will become paradise for us? In a situation where you need to make a decision, and everything seems to be analyzed, but the choice is not clear, you need to calm your thoughts and listen to your heart, which will not deceive. The famous phrase from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho says: “The Lord has drawn a path for every person in the world, it remains only to find it. And be able to read what is written just for you. Courage is needed to take the chosen path and walk it to the end. And this is a topic for another conversation.
Padding around the form
Indecision is serious psychological problem inherent in many people and is a consequence of their wrong worldview. Interesting feature indecision is that main way overcoming it is just a transition from unnecessary doubts and hesitations to decisive action. The habit of moving towards your goal despite obstacles and obstacles - the best medicine from indecision! But the whole point is that it is very difficult for an indecisive person to start doing anything at all, since his constant doubts and fears prevent him from adequately evaluating his own actions and taking them seriously.
Even when an indecisive person begins to act, he is not able to cast aside his doubts, constantly evaluates himself critically and is ready to back out at the first problems. In a word, indecision brings many problems. But instead of falling into despair, it is better to try to overcome your own indecision - with some effort, this is quite possible!
Reasons for this phenomenon:
Indecision is based on such features of the individual's character as fear of failure, disbelief in one's own strengths and capabilities, increased anxiety and the habit of dramatizing everything. In addition, all, without exception, indecisive people are characterized by deep dissatisfaction with themselves and, as a result, disbelief in their capabilities.
To understand the reasons for your own indecision, it will not be superfluous to frankly answer the questions: What do I want from life? What is stopping me from achieving what I want? What character traits do I have? Do I love myself or not? Is it not too often the cause of my failures is banal inaction? Main question to which you need to answer: What is more important to me, my own fears, phobias and prejudices or a full and happy life?
Each of the above questions should be well thought out and then answered as similarly and thoroughly as possible. Unfortunately, introspection is not inherent in all people. Meanwhile, it is with the help of introspection that one can easily identify the causes own problems and get rid of them!
Undoubtedly, it is much more difficult for indecisive people to live than decisive ones, since life seems to them an endless series of intractable problems. Worst of all, an indecisive person does not even try to solve their problems, but runs away from them in a panic or simply pretends that they do not exist. Such an ostrich position often leads to the fact that a person does not live in reality, but in his dreams and illusions, and meanwhile the problems keep accumulating and, in the end, turn the life of such a person into a real nightmare. What to do in order not to let indecision ruin your life and how to deal with this problem?
Self doubt:
Eliminating persistent and unreasonable self-doubts by raising your own self-esteem is the first essential step towards overcoming indecision. Indecision always starts with bad thoughts about yourself: I don't deserve this. I am stupid. I'm weak. Such an attitude towards oneself does not lead to anything good, except for failures, disappointments and a complete collapse of life. Therefore, it is necessary at all costs to realize the harmfulness of such negative attitudes and replace them with positive ones: I deserve all the best. I'm smart. I am able.
Self-limiting:
Insecure people, as a rule, have one more not very good quality- a fanatical adherence to various prejudices and prejudices, which they pass off as "norms of morality and decency." Of course everything normal people they are guided in their behavior by the norms and rules accepted in society, but at the same time they do not bring them to the point of absurdity. When the desire to live by "principles" begins to go against common sense and creates a lot of problems for a person - this is a clear sign that the time has come to reconsider and somewhat correct your worldview. To overcome prejudices that interfere with life, you need to ask yourself the question: What is the value of my attitudes and what prevents me from abandoning them or at least changing them a little?
Fears:
The next step in overcoming your own indecision is to recognize your fears and eradicate them. Recognizing your deepest fears is not easy, but it is an essential step on the path to developing right image thoughts and behavior. In principle, certain fears are inherent in all of us, and there is nothing wrong with that, since the main function of fears is self-preservation. But this does not mean at all that you need to follow your fears and let them lead you! The most common and unpleasant fear that contributes to the formation of indecision is the fear of failure. To get rid of this fear, you need to realize that there is no life without failures and mistakes, and that failure is not a reason for inaction. Moreover, thinking over and planning tactics and strategies for achieving the goal is much more effective remedy dealing with problems and failures than passivity and inaction. A determined person understands that “to be afraid of wolves is not to go into the forest,” therefore, he treats failures philosophically, and does not think up problems for himself, but solves them as they arise. So what is decisiveness and how to develop it?
Determination:
Decisiveness is a choice between action and inaction in favor of action. Most indecisive people admire the decisiveness of others, but they themselves do not become more determined from this. Meanwhile, it is not so difficult to become decisive - you just need to learn how to make decisions and immediately begin to implement them. It would be wrong to think that decisive people are completely uncharacteristic of worrying and doubting, but they are accustomed to living according to the well-known saying: “The eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing,” that is, no fears and doubts ever become an obstacle to their action. With all this, one must understand that decisiveness is not at all a synonym for recklessness. Decisiveness does not exclude caution and deliberation of actions. But even if a determined person makes a mistake, it is still much better than inactivity and passivity, which completely block the possibility of success, while a mistake can always be corrected!
Quick problem solving
What is the fastest and most effective way to transform indecision into decisiveness? First of all, you need to realize that decisiveness, as well as indecision, is a personal choice of the person himself, depending on what is preferable for him: the life of a gray mouse about the principle of “avoiding failure”; or complete personal self-realization and the opportunity to become the blacksmith of your own happiness. Those who prefer the second option can be advised to move from indecision to decisiveness in a few simple steps:
* Recognize your right to act. Allow yourself to use your opportunities at your own discretion and do whatever you want with your life! And don't be deterred or intimidated by the life changes that may follow your actions. For a determined person, even the most unexpected changes are not the end of the world, but one more step towards happiness and success.
* Learn to make solid decisions. Any reasonable activity is always preceded by the adoption of a conscious and concrete decision. And in order not to be disappointed in what has been achieved later, you need to learn to set yourself only the necessary and useful purposes, which requires one's own soul, and not thoughtless adherence to social stereotypes.
* Develop positive thinking in yourself, based on an optimistic perception of reality, and get rid of negativism, which pre-programs for failure.
The first steps towards developing determination can be difficult. But the more often you train this quality in yourself, showing it in practice, the faster you will notice how determination will become a part of you, and decisive actions will come easier and easier each time, predetermining your success in life!
Copywriter: Dashutka. Padding around the form
“Well, patient, do you really suffer from indecision?”
“Yes and no, doctor.
Indecision as a personality trait - inability quickly, independently make responsible decisions and steadily implement them in activities.
One day the master was standing on the street of the city and talking with a group of rice merchants. They complained about their poverty. Then he took out three yuan from his pocket and handed them to the merchants. - Please take these three yuan! he asked. Those in bewilderment stood and looked at the money. One of them hesitantly extended his hand and took the money. “Your friend has just become richer than you, because he decided to commit this act first,” said the master. - Do not stand still and have determination to achieve your goal. He took three more yuan out of his pocket and handed them to the merchants again. They hurriedly stretched out their hands to take the money, but the master hit their palms with a stick and laughed.
Indecision is a fear of choice, it is a fear of making a mistake, it is a memory of experienced disappointments. Burned by the deceit of its environment, indecision tries to adapt in an environment of uncertainty, but the remaining block interferes: indignation, resentment, self-pity, condemnation of the outside world. In other words, the optimism of the individual is blocked by indecision. Failures in the past force a person to move away from solving problems, to postpone the solution of pressing issues indefinitely. The fear of making a mistake is so great that an indecisive person has painful sensations. He rushes into all serious trouble: he begins to reason annoyingly, to show painful slowness, anxious suspiciousness, to engage in self-digging, just to get away from responsibility and the need to make decisions.
Indecision is the home of an inflated ego that does not want to take risks in the face of uncertainty. Indecisiveness until the last second looks for a reason to get away from solving the problem, turns on its justifying mechanism at full power, tries to hide, like an ostrich, from life's difficulties, to elude responsibility. A determined person sees in the situation that has arisen an opportunity, a life lesson, a challenge of fate, having accepted which, he will be able to further progress along the line of his life. The inert and conservative ego of an indecisive person turns on the excuse mechanism, and, amazingly, the problem magically disappears. However, this is an illusion. The indecisive person's excuses are illusory, but to the mind they are as real as reality. For example, the cat tore off the wallpaper. A chair was placed in this place. The bare wall hasn't disappeared, we just don't see it. From the standpoint of reason, the problem has been solved, although in fact it both existed and continues to exist. Because of his indecision, a person does not want to decide to re-paste the wallpaper, and therefore leaves the issue. It is curious that an indecisive person gets tired no less than a person who decides to take action. The fact is that the energy of action and the energy of justification are equal. Therefore, if a person has many unresolved problems, this is a sign of his indecision.
Indecisiveness doubts even its own doubts, always hesitates, loses initiative, misses opportunities, and ultimately overpays for something that it could not decide on a few minutes earlier. AT Ancient Rome a group of soothsayers known as the Sibyls wrote nine books that predicted the future of the Roman Empire. They brought books to Tiberius. - How much do they cost? asked the Roman emperor. “A hundred pieces of gold,” the Sibyls answered him. Tiberius angrily drove them out of his sight. The sibyls burned three books and returned to him. “They are still worth a hundred pieces of gold,” they informed Tiberius. He laughed and refused: why would he pay the cost of nine for six books? The Sibyls burned three more books and returned with the other three. “The price is still a hundred pieces of gold,” they said. Indecisive Tiberius, consumed by curiosity, was forced to pay. But he was only able to read part of the future of his empire.
While indecision "hangs up its ears", tunes in, puts its thoughts in order, "the train leaves." She scratches the back of her head and looks ruefully at the slipped chances, opportunities and prospects. Disabled by the problem of choice, indecision is overcome by what remains. Robert Orben said: "While you hold on to your "stability", someone nearby makes your dreams come true. Dmitry Yemets in the book “Tanya Grotter and the Curse of the Necromage” writes: “The problem of choice is the biggest women's problem. We are so afraid of making a mistake, we see so many different pros and cons in every decision, that we prefer that the choice be made for us. So much more convenient. But it doesn't always work. While two polite domestic dogs are standing near the bone, wagging their tails and trying to determine the sensations of how hungry they are in order to eat non-sterile food in the wrong place, a hungry street dog jumps up - and grab it! .. He gets the bone. In general, in any situation, the key to everything is determination.
Indecision became one of the main reasons for the defeat of the Paris Commune. The Communards stopped with reverence at the door of the State Bank. The Bolsheviks turned out to be much more far-sighted, taking into account the mistake of the Communards, they first of all blocked any possibility white movement receive money to support his army. In France, everything was different, there was not enough experience. The Versaillese, fleeing Paris, did not have time to take away all the valuables from the bank. But the Commune did not remove the director of the bank and sent only its representative there. And while Thiers received from the bank without limitation all the necessary funds to fight the Commune, the demands of the Communards were constantly curtailed. The Commune spent money very sparingly, saved every franc, but did not think of seizing the bank and thereby depriving the Versailles of the funds that fed the counter-revolution. Marx warned of imminent danger from Thiers, who made a deal with Bismarck for a huge bribe: “Since the subjugation of Paris was a precondition for the implementation of their agreement, they asked Bismarck to defer the payment of the first installment until the occupation of Paris; Bismarck accepted this condition. And since Prussia herself is in great need of this money, she will grant the Versaillese all kinds of relief in order to hasten the capture of Paris. So be careful."
Royal troops invaded the suburbs of Paris. Despite their “desperate situation, the Communards did not retreat. Thiers created a whole network of espionage in Paris and among the national guards. And when the National Guard retreated from (Fort Issy, completely destroyed by Versailles artillery, one of Thiers' spies climbed onto the ruins and raised a white flag. Versailles occupied Fort Issy and quickly rushed into the city. Then fierce fighting began at the "barricades in every street. May 23 Karl Marx spoke at the General Council of the International: "The Paris Commune is being suppressed with the help of the Prussians, who act as gendarmes of Thiers ... the Prussians were doing police work ..." In Paris, covered in blood and flames, the last barricade fell on May 28. Mass executions of the Communards began. They died fearlessly, with its head held high. The bourgeoisie triumphed. In some places the ruins were still smoking, "walls broken by cannonballs were crumbling, the open interior of the rooms presented stone wounds, broken furniture smoldered, pieces of broken mirrors flickered... And where are the owners, the tenants? About them no one thought ... in some places they sprinkled sand, but blood still came out ... To the Pantheon, broken cores, they didn’t allow it, tents stood along the boulevards, horses gnawed at the protected trees of the Champs Elysees ... ”- this is how Herzen, who lived at that time in Paris, wrote.
No matter how much indecision is scolded, there will always be adherents who find their advantages in this vice. The poet Yevgeny Yevtushenko in the poem "The Curse of the Century - Haste" writes:
There is strength in indecision
when on the wrong track
forward to the false lights
you hesitate to go.
But usually they want to get rid of indecision by all means. The hero of the cartoon "38 parrots" advises:
Remember this forever
It's important to believe in yourself!
Never doubt
Don't be afraid to be brave!
And if you're going
But you dare not do
You need it, you need it
Someday start!
Let's! No need to suffer!
Try! And it will work!
And if it doesn't work,
Try again!
Petr Kovalev
